2013-1-4 is a special date in China, because the pronunciation of this date is similar as “love you forever” in Chinese. Many Chinese women choose this day to get married with their lovers. Unfortunately, some of the couples break up at the same time. There is a saying in China that marriage is the tomb of love, but how the couples who get married for many years can still hold hands and kiss a lot. I’d say my three biggest pieces of advice named as 3 “C” – Compatibility, Communication and Compromise.
1. Pay attention to the compatibility before finding Chinese women for marriage.
In a marriage that is to stand the test of time, romance is important, but compatibility is critical. Successful partners agree that they want to pursue the same life paths, values and goals and mutually commit to those paths, values and goals. Examples might include decisions to have children or not, to save or spend money, or to live frugally or extravagantly, etc. Although background factors such as whether partners come from similar family, religious or economic backgrounds or whether they have similar dating histories appear to be of less importance, they can also be the origin of the quarrels in future. So when you communicate with your Chinese girlfriend in Chnlove, please share your thought with your partner and get to know her opinion on these aspects.
2. Sufficient communication when conflicts arisen.
Not matter how compatible the two parties are, handling conflicts is an unavoidable lessen we need to learn in marriage. I’m a big believer in direct, meaningful communication when conflicts arise — but you have to choose the right time. You cannot be at problem-solving best when you’re angry. Come back to the situation when you’re not, and you can have a whole new perspective. Communication is also an art. So, if someone says “I hate you”, it’s better to say, “I’m sorry you feel that way” than “I hate you too!” Also, some timely humors can works as lubricant which helps to reduce the conflicts and diffuse the escalating heat. In happy marriages, couples naturally do this. They deflect the anger, and get back on an even keel.
3.Compromise when your partner stands firm on something.
Compromise is necessary in long-term relationships, but each partner has to feel that it’s reciprocal. When one spouse makes all the compromises, it’s uncomfortable for both — not just the one giving in. Traditionally?the male will take on the majority of financial obligations outside, while the female is responsible for the housework inside. Tradition has broken down significantly when women also have a high level of education and a well-paid job nowadays. They expect their husbands could also share some housework in family. Then an interesting phenomenon appears that wives doing the cooking and their husbands wash the dishes, which is the result of compromise. There is a famous joke in China- A husband said proudly ‘I’d make all the big decisions in the family and my wife makes all the little decisions. But in all these years together, there just haven’t been any big decisions.’ Of course, every family has its own stories. How to make a happy marriage is always an open topic. Do you have any experience or suggestions share with the buddies in Chnlove Club?